


What was your story?

by ChrispyJesus



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bullying, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Felix cries a lot, Felix has shitty friends, Half of them will be platonic, Homophobia, Hurt with no comfort at first, Hyunjin goes through some real shit too, Hyunjin overthinks everything, Jisung and Felix become soulmates, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) is a Sweetheart, Like really shitty friends, Lots of Crying, M/M, Not all Felix pairings are romantic, Past Rape/Non-con, Probably no editing because we die like men, Some of them are dicks at first, They all cry a lot at some point
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:55:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21809881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrispyJesus/pseuds/ChrispyJesus
Summary: It took one lapse in judgement for Felix’s life to be ruined. And now as he was staring at the picture, he felt disgusting and disgusted.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Han Jisung | Han/Kim Woojin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin/Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Kim Woojin/Lee Felix, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)/Everyone, Lee Felix/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin, Lee Felix/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Comments: 11
Kudos: 139





	1. Boy in a bubble

**Author's Note:**

> I didn’t know how to describe this story better, and English is not my first language so sorry for the half assed editing and probably no editing at some point. 
> 
> This will mostly be major angst/hurt and developing feelings, emotions and discovering yourself and your self worth. I’ll try to put trigger warnings as best as I can.

*TW* Homophobia, bullying and slut-shaming.

Felix could feel eyes on him. He could hear laughter following everywhere he went and quite frankly, he was too afraid to look at the people surrounding him in the hallway. The boy tried to rush past everyone, his chest was already tightening and he didn’t even know what was happening and why everyone laughed. 

He could catch snippets of sentences and separate words but his thoughts were running all over the place and he was hyperventilating. He saw people pointing to him and laughing silently, one guy even being brave enough to motion lewdly at him. Felix flinched at that and rushed down the hallway, trying to find at least one of his friends .

His brains were about to shut down as he reached their school’s biology lab, two of his friends standing near the doors and laughing at something too. Felix’s chest tightened painfully as he cautiously walked over to them and tried to get their attention.

“Guys?” It looked like he was ignored by them, laughter ringing through the halls and making him tremble uncontrollably.

“Hey guys?” Jaewon, his older friend looked down at him and narrowed his eyes in response, almost as if he didn’t want to be around Felix, or even breathe the same air as him. 

“What do you want?” The boy flinched at the harsh tone of his friend, looking up at him in confusion and slight hurt. 

“Why is everyone pointing at me? And laughing at me?” His other friend let out a loud laugh at that, looking at him with a mocking smile. 

“Don’t pretend like you don’t know, faggot.” Felix stuttered out a shocked what? as he looked at both of his friends, surprised and a bit scared at the way they looked at him. He could see something malicious in Eunjun’s eyes and his gaze slipped down to the phone that was being shown to him, having to back up in order to see what was on the screen. 

“W-what?” Felix could clearly see the picture on the screen. It was a picture of him, on a bed he had never seen before, without any clothes and with his eyes shut. His body froze up as he stared at the picture, his mind not working. 

“Maybe next time don’t be such a faggot and don’t fuck everyone.” Felix could only stare at the photo as his body started shaking, lips trembling and fingers curling into his palms, nails pressing into the flesh. He let out a gasp as he was shoved to the side, Jaewon scoffing at him and then shoving him again.

“Stay away from us freak, you probably wanted to be fucked by us all this time.” Felix let out a pained gasp as Eunjun spat at his feet, some students in the hallway watching the scene that was happening in curiosity. 

“Disgusting fag.” With that said, the two boys walked past the Australian, Jaewon slamming into him with his shoulder, knocking Felix into the wall painfully. And he could still hear the mocking laughter following him as he stumbled through the hallway, blindly searching for one of the bathrooms. Some guy stuck his foot out for him to fall, but the boy stumbled around and managed to stay on his feet as he dodged around people.

He somehow managed to locate a bathroom, slamming to doors open and bolting to one of the cubicles, not caring if there was anyone inside the room with him. 

As Felix kneeled down on the floor in front of the toilet and emptied his stomach, he could hear someone talking in a hushed whisper. He could hear someone talking through his wrenching and gagging, feeling disgusting that someone was listening to him puking his guts out in their school’s bathroom. 

“Hey, are you okay?” The freckled boy let out a pained gurgle as he gagged again and leaned over the toilet, his stomach clenching painfully as he gasped for air and could feel tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. 

It took him good five minutes to stop gagging and to stop crying as he was slumped against the toilet, cheeks flushed red and chin covered in his own saliva from gagging and chocking. Felix felt like shit and he probably looked like shit too. But the only though in his head was that he did not remember ever sleeping with anyone. 

Up until he saw the picture he believed that he was a virgin and now apparently he didn’t even remember his first time. What kind of an idiot was he? 

Felix could clearly pinpoint when it probably happened. There was only one time when he got so wasted in a party that he knew he blacked out and woke up the next morning in a bed. But he remembered that he had his clothes on and nothing apart from the horrible headache, wooziness and the lapse in memory was off. 

It took him five more minutes to collect himself as he tried to wipe at him mouth with the sleeve of his sweater, scrubbing at his lips a little bit too rough. He could feel the wetness on his cheeks, barely holding in his cries as he stood back up on shaky legs, knees wobbling and whole body trembling from anxiety and shock.

“Oi man, are you alright? Sounded like you were sick?” Felix held his head down, staring at the tiled floor as he walked to one of the sinks, praying that whoever was in the bathroom was going to just leave him alone if he won’t answer. 

“It’s kinda polite to answer when someone asks you a question?” He could hear at least two people in the bathroom and he started freaking out. He needed to get out as fast as he could. What if they knew about the photo?”

“Rude much?” Leave me the fuck alone. Felix stumbled over to the sink, running his hands under the cold water and then leaning down to splash some on his face, his flesh tingling painfully. He could feel someone standing by his side, way too close and the boy straightened up in fear, his head snapping to look at the mirror. 

His eyes met the ones of Bang Chan, a fellow Australian. But Felix never really talked to him before, the two of them had only one lesson together and their groups of friends never interacted. Did he even have a group of friends at this point? Jaewon and Eunjun didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. At least with how they reacted to him and how disgusted they looked while mocking him. Felix could feel his bottom lip starting to quiver and he tried to blink away the pressure behind his eyes. 

The two of them stared at each other for a few moments, the freckled boy feeling like his heart was going to jump out of his chest and throat. He still felt sick to his stomach and his head was starting to throb painfully, tongue heavy in his mouth and shoulders tensed up. From the corner of his eye he could see two other people standing by, looking at him too, trying to figure him out. And the boy didn’t quite like it that much. He already felt vulnerable and this was making him freak out that much more.

But for what ever reason, be it fear or shock, Felix was not moving. His feet were glued to the floor, and no matter how much he screamed at himself mentally, his body stayed in the same mode. He could see Bang Chan’s eyes scanning all over his face until they stopped at his lips, staying there for a few seconds. Someone shuffled over closer to his side and the boy flinched, turning his head to look at another boy.

“Oh damn.” Felix raised one of his eyebrows up, his stomach turning. He could feel anxiety building up and his eyes darted around the room, staying on the third guy in the room. He could vaguely recognise him, he knew him as Changbin, he’s seen him around a few times. He had heard stories about him being mean and nasty, but he has never actually been intimidated by him before. 

He tried to shy away from the boy next to him, Lee Minho, who he knew the best out of all the boys in the bathroom. He was in the dance team, the leader of the dance team, and Felix was a member of it. And while the two of them weren’t friends, quite far away from that, they knew each other, even if they never talked unless Minho was teaching them the choreography to a new dance or they were getting ready for a performance. 

His eyes flew back to Changbin, who now moved to stand closer to him, watching his every move. And he could see something similar to entertainment in his eyes, his lips stretched into a small smile as he watched him and opened his mouth, only to make Felix flinch again. 

“Aren’t you the guy who got fucked and the pictures got leaked?” The freckled boy stared at Changbin for a few moments, feeling his eyes starting to sting, mouth dry and lips quivering. He could feel his heart slamming against his chest painfully, lungs feeling too full to take in any air. His vision spun momentarily, Minho taking a step away from him as Felix swayed and tried to hold onto anything to steady him. 

And that stung a lot more than he wanted to admit. That moment, Felix felt so disgusting that he had to hold onto his stomach, fighting back the urge to gag and empty his insides out in front of the three males. 

His vision swam for a few more moments and then he darted out of the room, being followed by one curious and two blank pairs of eyes. 

The freckled boy almost crashed into the lockers as he tried to avoid the few people still standing in the hallways. Almost everyone already moved to their classrooms, waiting for the bell to ring and Felix had to hurry up if he didn’t want to get detention for being late. 

And usually the boy liked physics, he liked actually understanding the subject so well that he didn’t even need to reread anything in the books after the lesson. But now he dreaded even stepping inside the classroom. The fear of being judged and laughed at made him freeze in front of the doors to the room, his fingers trembling and twitching as he gulped loudly. 

“Felix ah, go inside the classroom.” The boy flinched again as he turned to glance behind him, his physics teacher smiling down at him warmly and motioning to the room. He could barely nod his head at that, turning the handle of the doors and stepping inside with his teacher, shivering as all eyes were trained on the two of them. 

He could already hear the badly concealed whispers and laughs coming from every side of the room. Felix wanted to run out of the room so badly, but the teacher was standing by his side, motioning for him to go to his seat. 

The classroom was filled up with cruel whispers and mocking as the boy moved down the aisle and to the middle of the room, cursing at himself for sitting in such a vulnerable place. He was surrounded by students from all sides and his skin prickled at the sensation of leering eyes and poisonous tongues whispering cruelties. 

Felix couldn’t focus during the lesson no matter how badly he tried. His phone kept on vibrating in his pocket and he was too afraid to check what it was. And he could feel the guy behind him constantly kicking his chair, trying to get his attention. His shoulders were tensed up and fingers gripping onto the edge of the table hard, not taking notes as the teacher carried on with the lesson. 

Something managed to hit his arm and shoulder a few times and Felix was too afraid to turn around and check. His muscles were tensed up and he could already feel them aching. His eyes narrowed as something landed on his table, right by his opened notebook. And after closer inspection, he could see it was a crumbled up note. 

Now if he would have been less anxious and panicky, he would have thought not to check the note. But his mind was blank and numb, the lingering shock after he saw his own naked photo still lingering around. 

But Felix wasn’t exactly thinking straight, so with trembling fingers, he reached for the crumbled up note and unfolded it slowly. The moment his eyes scanned over the words and registered what was written down, he could feel a stinging sensation in his eyes. He knew he was about to start crying and he had to give everything he could to stay composed and strong. 

I bet you were begging for that cock you disgusting fag

He let his head fall forward in order to hide his face the best he could as he bit down onto his bottom lip, pulling at it and his knee bounced up an down. His eyes were still staring at the opened note on the table and he had to clench them shut, but the sentence was already burned into the back of his brains. 

More crumbled up notes landed on his table, Felix shivering as the bell rang, the teacher telling everyone to read a few chapters and what questions they had to answer for the next lesson. The boy cautiously picked the balled up notes up and threw them into his backpack, not wanting anyone else to read them.

It was embarrassing enough that he had to read them, he didn’t want others to know just how disgusting and disgusted he was. 

He could feel someone pushing him on his back, making him stumble out of the classroom and other students just stared at him. He was clutching the straps of his backpack in his hand as he was shoved to the side again, stumbling over and catching himself by grabbing onto another person.

“Don’t fucking touch me, slut.” Felix gasped at that, being pushed back and falling to the ground on his knees, wincing at the harsh contact. By then he couldn’t hold the tears in and let them slip down his cheeks as he tried to pick himself up, some students laughing and pointing at him. 

The freckled boy looked up for a few seconds, eyes fleeting around the hallway, stopping on two boys who he sometimes talked to and would hang out with. But both of the boys averted their gazes and looked at the ground, making Felix tremble in humiliation. 

“Right where you belong, on your knees.” The boy didn’t even recognise the people throwing insults at him. He didn’t know most of them, so it hurt him even more knowing that people who didn’t know him personally already hated him. 

Loud laughter followed after him as he managed to pick himself and his stuff up, running through the hallway, barely avoiding the guy who tried to trip him. When he stumbled out of the building he finally let the other tears slip down his cheeks, curling an arm around his middle as he tried to muffle the sobs threatening to escape.

Felix couldn’t even see clearly anymore as he just let his feelings and tears free, ignoring the thought that he was going to get into trouble for skipping both his last two periods and the dance practice. But at that point he just wanted to be away from everyone, away from school and the fresh memory of what had just happened. 

It took him almost an hour to get back home, letting out a soft sigh as he closed the doors after himself, only zooning in when he was in his own room, face down on the bed and his fingers curling into the pillow tightly. 

He finally let himself go, loud and ugly sobs leaving his lips as he cried himself to sleep, body relaxing into the mattress and making him slip into pure darkness.


	2. Drops of poison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the first time Felix feels actual fear and the day just keeps on getting worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s homophobia and some violence in this chapter, nothing heavier yet.

For the first time in his life, Felix felt fear. Bone chilling and freezing fear. His whole body shook when he woke up at four in the morning, having slept throughout all of the evening and until then. And the moment he woke up, his brains were filled up with overthinking and the image of him naked and on the unfamiliar bed. 

The boy had thought about it for almost two hours, who took the photo? And why? He shuddered as he tried to think just who exactly he had had sex with, but he couldn’t remember anything, not a name or the face of the person, nothing. 

He was left only with darkness for that night, realising just how bad his friends actually were. He remembered well enough that he went to the party with them, that he was having fun until he couldn’t remember anything, until he drank too much. And he questioned where his friends were, why did they leave him blacked out and alone? 

Felix knew that he couldn’t blame anyone else for his own mistakes, for loosing his virginity while being drunk out of his brains, but it just hit him that morning how alone he actually was. 

With heavy limbs and an even heavier mind the boy made his way out of the bus, his clothes not keeping him warm anymore as he shuddered and felt like everyone was watching. He knew he was being illogical, he was on the verge of panicking, but he couldn’t help it anymore. All he could see and feel where stares invading his privacy and leering at him, as if people could see through his clothes. 

When his school was in view, Felix could already feel his chest tightening, throat clenching and his soul begging him to just turn around, go back home and bury himself into his sheets. Maybe then he could forget about yesterday’s and the upcoming humiliation. 

The students rushing into the school mostly paid no attention to him and the freckled boy let a sigh of relief pass through his lips. Maybe if he would keep his head down no one was going to say anything to him. 

But the moment he stepped inside school, his heart fell to the pits of his stomach and fingers twitched by his sides, curling up into his sweater for some reassurance. The students stared at him, pointing and laughter followed quickly after that. And the boy ducked his head down, staring at the ground, trying to ignore the jabs and insults thrown at him. 

Felix couldn’t help but to furrow his eyebrows, he never thought that he could ever feel this uncomfortable anywhere. But here he was, in front of his locker, shoulders hunched up and head ducked to hide it inside of the locker. He was thankful that at least not a lot of people were around him, so he could just get his things and go. 

His next class was biology, and sadly, he had it with Jaewon, and being forced to sit next to him made his stomach turn and he had to fight back the urge to gag loudly. The insults and slurs his friend threw at him still rang in his ears, inked into his memory and framed with a bright light for him to see. 

Felix’s ears burned as he heard a nasty slur being thrown at him, some guy who’s from a grade below making a blowjob motion while looking at him, grinning widely. The group of guys around the student laughed, high fives being exchanged as the freckled boy hurried down the hallway, fighting back the stinging of his eyes. 

He managed to get to the classroom right before the bell rang, his teacher flashing a quick smile at him, motioning for the boy to go and take his seat.

The classroom was so silent that a pin being dropped could be heard, eyes following all of Felix’s moves as the boy cautiously manoeuvred around tables, feeling someone kick his knee at one point. And he managed to hold in his hiss as he slumped onto his chair, someone snickering to his right side. 

His cheeks were burning from embarrassment of being watched, the picture stuck in the back of his head no matter how badly he tried to forget it.

Felix zooned out as the teacher started talking about the digestion system. His thoughts ran from one extreme to another, until one thought crossed his mind and his eyes widened impossibly. If he couldn’t get the picture out of his head, then how about other people?

His shoulders shook as he tried to imagine just how many people actually saw the photo, how many people talked and laughed about it behind his back. Not that they didn’t laugh to his face too. 

Scribbling could be heard from his left side, but the boy was too afraid to turn his head and look. His seat mate had been Jaewon, which meant that if he turned his head he could be met with a pair of mocking eyes once again. 

His phone was once again buzzing but Felix didn’t even bother to check it, he hadn’t checked his messages yet since yesterday, too afraid of what he might find there. 

Crumbled up notes were being thrown at him again, most of them landing on the ground, some staying on the table and hitting his lap. Felix once again shuffled them into his backpack, not checking the content of them. 

With trembling lips, the boy tried to focus on the lesson but everything was a jumbled up mess and Felix flinched as he heard the loud sound of the bell implying that the students had to go to their next period. 

And the boy dreaded the next class because it was P.E, which meant he had to go and change clothes in front of everyone, he had to go and participate in physical activities with people, and quite frankly, he was shaking as a leaf from fear.

The changing room was filled up with loud laughs between friends and guys just being guys. That was until Felix stepped into it and the atmosphere changed into something more awkward, something more serious. 

The laughter died down fast and murmurs filled up the changing room, Felix rushing to a corner where he could change quickly and then leave. 

“I don’t want to change in the same room as someone gay.” The freckled boy raised one of his eyebrows at that as he kept his head tilted down, hiding behind his hair. Huh? At least this one didn’t use a slur this time. 

“Who knows how many other fags he’s fucked.” 

“Hell no, he’s not the one fucking, he probably takes it up the ass!” Loud laughter followed that, making Felix grit his teeth painfully as his eyes stung and throat burned with unshed tears. 

“Come on fag, tell us, do you like it up the ass?” Felix let out a small gasp at that, not really expecting to to be actually talked to. He’d rather be made fun of behind his eyes than this. 

“Or do you like fucking people?” He wanted to scream at someone, maybe at himself. I don’t even remember what happened! I don’t know if I like fucking people or being fucked! I don’t fucking now anything! But he knew that he couldn’t blow up just like that, not if he wanted to survive the next days. 

“So the fag thinks he’s better than we are?” He was pushed back into the wall behind him, the back of his head making a loud sound as it hit the hard surface, making him hiss in discomfort and pain. A cruel smile was painted on the football player’s face as he looked down at him. 

“How many times did you imagine one of us fucking you?” 

“I, what?” Felix was honestly stunned at that question. Up until now he had never thought about anyone he knew in a sexual way. The only time he did was last summer when he kissed his neighbour behind the cinema and it turned into a small make out session. That was the only time he had ever done anything close to sexual. He doubted that that counted as a sexual activity too. 

“Did I stutter, fag?” He was slammed into the wall again, groaning in pain as his back collided with it harshly. His hair was tugged up, making his head snap up and he stared at the jock with fear in his eyes. 

“Is this turning you on?” 

“What the? No!” The jock smirked evilly and leaned his face closer, almost making their noses touch at the proximity. 

“Do we need to check?” Felix’s let out an offended gasp and trashed around as a hand tried to hold him in place, a tear slipping down his cheek as he was let go and cruel laugher rang in his ears. He was heaving as the bell rang, the boy’s leaving him crumbled on the ground. 

He thought about skipping the class, just hiding away in the changing room, but he knew he was already in a lot of trouble, so Felix gathered all of his bravery and wobbled out of the room, covering into himself as he stepped into the gym. 

“Felix! Nice of you to join us! We will be playing volleyball today.” He was about to go to stand around and be called but the teacher stopped him.

“We already have teams so why don’t you just join that one?” Felix nodded blindly and moved over, only to look at the team and curse under his breath. He was in the jock’s team, and he was smiling down at him with malicious intent.

“Come on Felix, let’s play a good match.” Even the way he said his name made him shiver in disgust. 

The freckled boy didn’t know what he was expecting, but a ball being spiked right to the side of his face was not in his guesses. It stung badly and he could feel blood rushing, flushing a bright red and trying to cradle his face into his hand. The jock and a few other people leaned down to look at him, pretending to be checking on him. 

“This is just the start fag.” Felix slumped down on the floor to avoid being near them as the teacher ran to the crown. 

“Felix! Are you okay? What happened?” The jock played innocent perfectly, smiling at the man and looking like he was concerned.

“I didn’t see that Felix was standing to the side and spiked the ball wrong.” 

“I see. Are you okay Felix? Is your head spinning?” The freckled boy shock his head at that, feeling a headache forming but nothing worse happened. But the teacher looked at him sceptically and told him to go to the nurse to ask for an ice pack, his cheek red from being hit. 

The trip to the nurse’s office should have been five minutes, and Felix tried to rush as fast as he could, but when his name was being called, he froze over and his back straightened up. He knew exactly who was calling him and knew that he was in trouble. 

“Hey! Felix! Wait up!” 

“Hey Minho.” His name still sounded weird on his tongue, never being used by the boy outside of their dance practices. 

The dance team leader reached him within seconds, Chan and Changbin standing back, but watching the two of them closely. Felix shuddered as he took notice of the smile marring the shortest guy’s features. 

“Why did you skip dance yesterday?” The freckled boy was about to make up an excuse, to say anything to get out of trouble, but Minho shushed him with a blank stare and a dismissive look after that.

“Doesn’t matter. If you skip dance without a proper excuse I’ll have to kick you out next time.” Felix spluttered at that, trying to tell the other that he really was not feeling well yesterday and wasn’t skipping just for fun.

“I don’t care about what you do in your personal life, but don’t let it get in the way of dance practice.” Excuses died on his lips as Felix simply nodded his head at the other, turning around and continuing to the nurse. 

He couldn’t wait for the day to end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We will meet the rest of the boys in the next chapter and the story will actually start then. Hopefully you enjoyed reading this as it is a filler update and if you want to talk or read my Chanlix/Hyunlix AU follow me on twitter

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a rollercoaster of emotions wrapped up in 1-2 updates in a week. I’m already working on the next two updates and I hope you will enjoy this story. Also if you want to, check out my Twitter because I started writing a Chanlix/Hyunlix AU there and will probably write more Felix centric AUs, or you can just spazz about Stray Kids with me @ [chrispyjesus](https://Twitter.com/chrispyjesus)


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